Tough choices and difficult decisions

Sometimes, I get angry at God. Like - why can't He just tell me what to do? Granted, I know, I don't read the Word, I don't pray like I should, and, frankly, I don't always live like I'm living for Him. So, of course I wouldn't be able to easily figure this out. But, sometimes, when I do try and I work so hard at hearing Him... I still can't. And now I have to answer the question, "To continue college or not to continue college?"

Why am I waiting for tomorrow?

Maybe today I'll start believing

That you're mercy is really

As real as you say it is

It doesn't matter who I used to be

It only matters that I've been set free

You rescued me, You're changing me

Jesus take everything.

Saturday night I made a bad decision. And I'm not even exactly sure why I did it. Maybe it's stress getting the best of me. Maybe I'm tired of going through the motions of my day to day life. Wake up, hurry to work, go to class, study a little bit here and there, then rinse, repeat. The daily grind is getting to me. There's really nothing I'm looking forward to. Nothing pushing me through these cloudy, rainy, chilly days. I can make all the excuses I want. I can defend my actions. But I know that if I had been spending spending time in His word and with Him, I wouldn't have made that choice I made on Saturday night. In a way, I "cheated" on God. Or at least that's how I feel.

Create in me a still heart

Last night I tossed and turned in bed for a good two hours. I took a sleeping pill - which I'm trying to quit - and it didn't even help. At eleven PM I grabbed my pillow and I ventured down the hall and into my parent's bedroom. Yes, I am an adult, I know this. But I was burning up with a fever. My head was pounding. My throat was aching. Every time I closed my eyes I started to spin. My stomach was churning. My body was weak. And all I wanted was my mom. (Not to mention they have the most comfortable mattress ever).  I had to work at 5:45 this morning, like just about every morning, and I kept thinking, "I'm going to be so tired tomorrow". I fell asleep in there and woke up an hour later and went back to my bed for a restless sleep.

What is going on here?

For the past week or so I just haven't been myself and I have absolutely stinking no clue as to why this is happening.

Today I was driving down the highway, on my way to my history class (where I should be right now - but it's okay. E-mail works wonders), when I moved into the left lane so another car could merge onto the highway. Well, I ended up being surrounded by semi-trucks and I just couldn't make it back into the right lane to get off on my exit. So, I took a detour. And on that detour I somehow managed to take out a bird. Possibly even two. I'm not sure. I didn't even think it was possible to do such a thing. My windshield has bird juice on it now and feathers are stuck in the hood of my car. Delightful. Needless to say, I was late. And I was not in the mood for any other misfortunes.