Where I came from

For many years I struggled with an addiction more and more females (and males) are beginning to face. An eating disorder. An eating disorder? Since when is that an addiction? A behavioral addiction is anything that "harms an individual's health, mental state, or social life". And an eating disorder is just that. It's hard point out that exact spot in time when it took a hold of me. After all my counseling and therapy we know that it wasn't something that just came out of no where. I never woke up saying, "So, today's a good day to start being bulimic. The suns shining, the skies are blue, and life is pretty good. How about I try out an eating disorder?" That simply sounds down right silly! The truth is that I've always had a mind set of a bulimic. I've never felt good enough. Even in elementary school I remember thinking I didn't measure up. I remember comments from family members about my chubbiness, remarks from kids at school, etc. I'm sure no one ever thought anything of it. I was the goof at school. I laughed along, made my own jokes, and pretended like I didn't mind. And at the time I'm sure I didn't mind. But somewhere in the back of my brain, I guess I did care.

One day down - four to go

I am stuffed. I went to Red Robin tonight (yes, for the second time in three days) and had a wonderful bacon cheese burger with fries. Hey, I ran two and a half miles before we went, I think that makes it a little better. I even managed to run at the seven speed. Anyways, me, Melanie, and Kyra went out for a delicious dinner and it was well worth the calories. I came home and took my shower. And while in the shower I was thinking, "ugh. I shouldn't have eaten all that. I feel sick." Which is true, I do have a tummy ache. But another thought, one that hasn't crossed my mind in a while, wiggled its way into my brain. Maybe I should throw up. Temptation hit me with a wham. Thankfully, I didn't give in. I guess I was thinking about the blog post I made yesterday about wanting to be a woman of God and I just couldn't do it. I finished up my shower and hopped on here. I am beautiful. Maybe I'm not hot, or sexy, or America's next top model - but I am beautiful. I am beautiful because I am God's daughter. I'm beautifully and wonderfully made. Not because of my outward appearance, but because of my inward appearance. And as I better myself, as God works in me, beauty will pour from my pores and I'll reflect the greatest beauty of all - Christ.