Please don't tell me it's Monday tomorrow

So, last night, as I was getting ready to go out, I heard loud talking. I heard my mom, I heard my step-dad, and I heard... a third voice? I stop what I'm doing and I listen for a moment. No way. The guy I went out with last time was talking to my parents. I threw on a sweater and went downstairs. Great, just great. I could only begin to imagine the horrible things that were being said. First of all, this is the guy my step-dad hated. (The one he thought was going to "throw me in a dumpster" or "bash my head in".) Surprisingly, the conversation went smoothly and we finally made our escape. We were going to go to a restaurant in Appleton but when we were on the highway I said, "ya know. I'm craving a burger. With bacon." We went to Red Robin instead. And let me tell ya, that was a darn good bacon cheeseburger. During dinner we watched baseball and that's pretty much all we talked about. He never ceases to amaze me with his baseball knowledge. I love it. Anyways, we went to the Oshkosh movie theater to look at times for movies. He likes comedies and I'm not too big of a fan of them. I like them alright, but I'm an action/adventure kind of girl that's laced with sarcastic, dry humor here and there. But yeah. I wanted to see The Lincoln Lawyer. But it wasn't playing at the theater! Then I told him I didn't want to go to the Oshkosh movie theater and we should just go back to the Fond du Lac one. That's what we did. And we made it just in time to see The Lincoln Lawyer! It was a good movie, by the way. Recommended greatly. During the movie our hands were touching each others and I just kept thinking, "is he going to hold my hand or what?!" I'm the girl here. He's the guy. Well, he never held my hand. My hand was freezing (for eight dollars a ticket you'd think they could at least turn on a little heat) but I didn't want to move it far from his. Man, I feel like a fifteen year old all over again. Minus the fact that he drove and paid.




When I got home my step-dad grabbed me on the shoulder and said, "he's a really nice guy". For someone who was so against me going out with that guy, my step-dad sure turned around quickly. I texted him to tell him what my step-dad said. I got a text that said, "so we almost held hands in the movie lol". Now how seventh grade is that?! How do you even respond to something like that. I said, "so? Yeah, but we didn't." And he replied with, "I know lol I just wanted to point that out lol". By this point in time, I'm guessing he only uses 'lol' at awkward moments because usually he doesn't use them so much. "Why'd you wanna point that out?" And he said, "In case you didn't notice." Then I said, "I noticed. Then ya didn't hold my hand. Lol." His response was, "I was waiting for you to hold mine haha." I texted back, "Haha what? Really?" He went, "Kind of haha." And I went, "Kind of? Ha." (Note: too many 'haha's and 'lol's. They irritate me.) Then he texted me back, "Yeah I was waiting for you." My response was, "I'm the girl. I was waiting for you lol." And he said, "Well next time I know lol." I'll stop it there, we only sent a few more texts before I said good-night. But yeah, it was a fairly awkward text conversation.

It was a good night and I had fun. I'm not sure what God has in store yet. If there will be third date or not, if he'll end up just being a friend, or maybe not even a friend at all. Either way, it's okay. I'm okay. And I'm finally okay with whatever happens. After being in a not-so-healthy relationship for three years, after being treated so poorly, after years of not being respected, being told I'm not good enough, treated like I'm nothing special, I'm starting to recover. I'm starting to learn that I don't need that. I don't need my ex-boyfriend. I don't need him to constantly be in my mind. I don't need him to control me. He's gone. He's not in my life so I shouldn't let the past things he said/did to me dictate my future. I'm learning, slowly, that not everyone is a liar. Not everyone is going to take advantage of me. There are trustworthy people. That not all guys are abusive. I'm still hesitant about things. And I think all girls should be safe and realize that there are bad men out there and take it with a grain of salt. But I'm healing. And it feels great. I'm learning to be free. Thank God for that. Now I just need to give it ALL to Him, which is the hardest thing in the world to do. Whoever said being a Christian was easy didn't understand it. Whoever calls God a "crutch" obviously hasn't walked a day with Him. Because, honestly, maintaining a relationship with Christ is hard. And I hope that one day I can walk with Him much easier than I do now.