Tough choices and difficult decisions

Sometimes, I get angry at God. Like - why can't He just tell me what to do? Granted, I know, I don't read the Word, I don't pray like I should, and, frankly, I don't always live like I'm living for Him. So, of course I wouldn't be able to easily figure this out. But, sometimes, when I do try and I work so hard at hearing Him... I still can't. And now I have to answer the question, "To continue college or not to continue college?"





Thursday I received a  letter in the mail from my college. I didn't open it until the next morning. I was downstairs before work and I opened it. It told me I was on final probation  and one semester away from suspension. I couldn't believe it. Last semester my GPA was still at a 3.7! How could this happen?! I know this semester was rough, a B+, C+, C, and (ugh) an F (in math! Which, by the way, I went to him various amounts of time for help and even told him I lave a learning disorder... and I've never done that, I've just dealt with my learning disorder). Anyways, I freaked out and cried on my way to work. On my lunch break I went over to my mom's office to tell her. I cried again. (We called, there was a mistake and I'm not on final probation. But it still upset me. Greatly.)


There's so much pressure out there. It's like, they want us to know what we want to be when we grow up in freaking middle school. In high school, you had to take all the "right" classes to prepare you for your major in college. What. The. Heck. I'm a completely different person now than I was in high school. How do they expect us to just know what we want to be when we "grow up"?! I'm twenty years old and I'm more confused than ever! All I know is that I hate the college I'm at and WHY am I spending all this money when I don't know what I want to major in?! I know it'll be in the science/medical field, but that's about it. Not that that narrows anything down, I mean, there's hundreds and hundreds of degrees in those two areas. Ugh. So now what? Do I continue going to college, hoping one day I'll wake up and be like, "hey! Yeah! I'm going to be a doctor!" or "Pharmacy! Of course!" or even "I'm going to be a biology teacher!"?


So, after my little break down at my mom's work, I went back to mine. Ann, my manager, approached me and her facial expression made me nervous. Great, I thought to myself, just what I need - to get fired. Instead she said, "There's an opening in the bank." (I work at a coffee house that's owned by a bank, so we're in the same building.) "And (insert bank manager's name here) wants to offer it to you. It'd be full time." Things like that don't just happen. At least I don't think so. One minute I'm crying about my future, the next I get a full time job offer with great benefits from a great company?

If I took a full time job, I could still take a few classes. I would take two online classes and one night class - 9 credits. By fall of 2012, I could have about 26 credits done, only putting me a semester behind. Plus, I'd have a lot of money saved up.

WHAT DO I DO?!